Messages in this thread | | | Date | Thu, 21 Jan 1999 16:07:42 -0700 (MST) | From | Quantum Porcupine <> | Subject | Press Release draft 6 - suggestions (fwd) |
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Oh, and another thing... I had sent these suggestions to Ed Lang regarding the draft, not realizing that it would be better to send them here. So, here's the message again. Again, my apologies if this repeats anything stated on the list on this topic.
---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1999 16:20:21 -0700 (MST) From: Quantum Porcupine <joshagam@cs.nmsu.edu> To: edlang@pcug.org.au Subject: Press Release draft 6 - suggestions
Hey, someone posted the URL to the draft to /., and (like thousands of other slashdot readers, I'm sure :) I immediately noticed some places where the wording can be improved; remember that a lot of managers will probably be basing decisions on this, and so it needs to be written as professional as possible. The wording in this sounds more like a hacker trying to be a professional tech writer. :) (Of course, I'm not any better in that respect, but I've taken technical writing courses and tend to be anal-retentive about certain kinds of wording...)
For starters, calling Linus "the leader of the Linux software development team" makes him sound like some sort of cultist. Perhaps a better expression would be "the main developer and coordinator of the Linux kernel."
Mentioning that 2.2 is Y2K ready implies that older versions aren't. Perhaps you should state "Like all versions of Linux, 2.2 continues the tradition of Y2K readiness." The internationalization could also be put a bit better; I seem to recall that 2.0.36 had the internationalization support, and perhaps a better way to put it would be "Linux 2.2 also continues to build on previous versions' internationalization."
The bit on Beowulf would probably read better as: "In addition, the Extreme Linux project, also known as Beowulf (http://www.beowulf.org), allows for many small Linux systems to be clustered together into a single powerful supercomputer. Such supercomputers are in use at many national laboratories including the NASA JPL and the Los Alamos National Laboratory."
In addition to mentioning support for NT filesystems, it should also mention support for NT sharing via Samba. (Many manager-types need to have information spelled out completely for them, and they might get some FUD from a MSCE who says "well, yes, of course it can read NTFS, but this says nothing about it becoming network-accessable.")
Also: "Advanced technical users have performed extensive pre-release testing on this update, thanks to the Open Source development model facilitated by the widespread use of the Internet." You might also want to spell "integrated" correctly, as well as "vendor."
Under background: "Linux is a secure, POSIX-compliant network operating system, derived from and compatible with both BSD and System V. It is written portably, and currently supports a wide array of hardware, such as Intel x86 and compatibles, PowerPC (such as Apple PowerMac, including the new G3s), Alpha, and UltraSPARC hardware, and is efficient enough to run incredibly well on older low-end machines, including older 386s and 486s. Linux is already in use in mainstream performance-demanding situations, such as the effects house which rendered the breathtaking 3D-rendered scenes from the blockbuster hit Titanic."
You should provide URLs for Gnome, KDE, etc. Also, instead of saying it allows users to customize their GUI, you should say "and allow users to completely customize their operating environment in any way imaginable."
Halloween Document should be in quotes, preferrably written as 'the so-called "Halloween Document"'.
Linus's involvement should be stated as "He and others created Linux as an open-source alternative to proprietary, closed operating systems after becoming disillusioned with the poor quality of commercial offerings." Emphasis is on open-source (it's an open system), that proprietary systems are closed, and that it's commercial offerings (not alternatives - most people would hardly consider Windows NT to be an 'alternative' at this point).
I think the linux-howtos URL you're looking for is http://www.linuxnow.com. I know they [are about to host] the howto project in some form.
In terms of the distribution URLs, I would list them in this order:
Caldera Red Hat Software Debian SuSE Slackware (maybe - Slackware isn't exactly IS Professional oriented) TurboLinux UltraLinux
Linuxberg isn't exactly press; it goes in the same category as freshmeat.net, except that Linuxberg's offerings are generally outdated and, for the most part, misrated (IMO). I would list LinuxNow instead.
I hope you find some of these suggestions to be useful. :)
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