Messages in this thread | | | Date | Thu, 21 Jan 1999 19:04:31 -0500 | From | "Kyle R. Rose" <> | Subject | Re: [OFF TOPIC] ** fork 1 draft 2 -- press release ** |
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> The Linux development team has released a new operating system kernel. > The new release brings Linux to multi-processor [scalable] platforms > and provides support for up-to-date peripheral device technologies. > [You want USB we have USB. You want TV we have TV .. :-]
I'll think about this. The "Linux development team" thing seems pretty popular, so iiiiit's back! =)
> > release of a new version of the Linux kernel. This update brings > > I would definitely prefer to say "release" instead of "update".
Done.
> "broad" is not needed. (i.e. semantic repetition: it's a downward modifier > and you already have another downward modifier in "newER" ..). Just say > "suport" if you mean "support." And say "new" and not "newer". Has it
> stopped supporting old hardware? Does it only support the very newest and not > medium newest :-)?
Absolutely right. Fixed.
> > maintaining the stability and reliability that have long been > > hallmarks of the Linux kernel. > > I would say "its hallmark".
This may be a little confusing, since "its" may refer to "this release," which hasn't been around long enough to have hallmarks. =) Nonetheless, I'll put it in and see what other say.
> Still don't like "series of"! Are they in a sequence? Who's first?
I was thinking of an unordered series, but I replaced it with "class." Tell me what you think.
> Drop "not limited to" (or use the required commas, dashes, whatnots).
Dropped.
> Drop "then". Semantics takes care of that.
Dropped, although it still sounds a bit awkward.
> You can actually put in "that is" in front of "estimated" and it will be > grammatically more correct. As it is there is a long adjectival phrase
> hanging off the end of this sentence!
I think they're both correct, but yours sounds better.
> Provide one.
If it comes to that, I'll mirror it on my office computer and pray it doesn't get /.'ed.
> "has"? Poor writing! Possesses, offers, provides, profers, supplies, ...
Yeah, yeah, yeah... "offers" replaces "has."
> > ease of use for home and office users while maintaining the power
> > AND > > > versatility of the command line. [This REALLY needs work, now.]
(Ahem... =)
> Split sentence in two and drop the second part, or rework.
Used a ;.
To save space, I am not including this in the email. Please go to
http://bigred.lcs.mit.edu/~krose/linux2.2.0pr-f1.html
and look at draft #4 for the latest revision.
Kyle
-- Kyle R. Rose "They can try to bind our arms, Laboratory for Computer Science but they cannot chain our MIT NE43-309, 617-253-5883 minds or hearts..." http://web.mit.edu/krr/www/ Stratovarius krose@theory.lcs.mit.edu Forever Free
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